My New York State of Mind

*currently listening to the Ragtime soundtrack*

Here we are, the day before my flight. Still left to do: get the unclaimed clothing and furnishings out of my apartment and to the Salvation Army or the Dumpster Army (dependent on the item), return the Comcast equipment (which is apparently valued around 200 dollars so they WILL be getting that back even if I have to WALK to the Comcast branch), donate all of my draperies and excess linens to Stage Coach Players', sit on my suitcases and squeeze the zippers together, and...well...thats it. *pause* Wow, that really is IT. And now, as much as I try to fight them, the tears are starting to form and swell with intent and heat. I have been putting off crying because I knew that to be quite honest I didn't have time for it. If I were to stop to indulge the tears, that would have been a full day lost and I just couldn't afford it. Now as the prep process nears its end, the tears that were at bay are making their way to the forefront and its getting harder and harder to hold them back...

But since this is more than likely my last entry as an Illinoisian (is that what we call ourselves if we live in Illinois?? I've always wondered that), I figure this should be a "Thank You" of sorts. Ya know, just in case I don't win a Tony award in the next 10 years (which is the plan, of course lol). PLEASE NOTE - THIS IS A LIST-STYLED ENTRY - You may wish to skip down. LOL

First, I must thank God in heaven for blessing me with a talent that exceeds even what I know. I only ask that You continue to order my steps and stay beside and with me as You always have and I will do all that I can to please You. I want to thank my mother, who doing her time with me experienced great joy and deep sorrow but always only showed me unconditional love in affection and eternal love in music. I thank my family - my beautiful 82 year old Granny who supports my dream and makes me happy to be alive even when I'm annoyed or irritated or doubtful. My sisters, Angela and Rachel - who cry at everything and love for me to express myself. My cousins, both of my generation and the subsequent including Jo (COS-SIN!), Dee, O (you and me us neva part - ma-kee-da-da), Man, Z, and Nikki - who is more like a sister to me than anything else. Nikki, you are one of the people on this earth that make my purpose, whatever that may be, seem feasible. Thank you for always, ALWAYS being there. My aunts and my special aunt Mable - you know that you are one of the most tremendous beings I've ever known so there's no need to say anything further. My instructors - Mrs. Brown -who is an angel that does not yet have physical wings but musical ones for the time being, Robert Sims, Kenneth Lenon, Clarice Hearne, Dr. Johnson, Lisa Johnson (no relation), and Dr. Carter ("Contract, AND! Contract AND! HIT!") Anyone that I have ever worked with professionally - especially Deyci, tu eres mi amor! And thank you Tim Carter for always being so understanding - greatest boss ever.

And lastly, perhaps most important, my dear dear friends - my CHOSEN family (although I can't really call them CHOSEN because I didn't pick them - God did). But (and this is the part that I have dreaded the most because it has the greatest potential to make me cry) to the remaining members of SKEW - though you have been in my life for less than one calendar year, the bond that we have cultivated feels like I have known you for decades. Suz, you are one of the most incredible people I've ever met. Em, your talent and personality are magnanimous. And Wade - my Wadington - not having you within arm's reach is going to be one of the most difficult emotions to deal with. You are so much stronger than you know and I treasure all of you deeply. To Dee, Erica, and Shae - this is only "See you soon," not "Goodbye." And I say that with confidence because you all will remain in my heart for the remainder of my days on earth and then when we all meet up at a club in heaven, we shall all juke together across the way from Jesus. I love you ALL. Dee - don't you EVER change. Not ever. You are my hero. Erica (who will only read this after someone tells her to), I don't think you ever knew how much you mean to me. You are a tremendous force on my spirit and that won't change with location or time. And Shae (who is already crying), everytime you style your hair, know that I'm behind you critiquing and complimenting and loving you all the more for it. You're amazing.

To the Apostolic Church of God, to Phi Mu Alpha, to Alpha Phi Alpha, and to NIU - thank you for making me the man, the musician, the resilient, and the educated person I am today. To

To Brandi Janine - you taught me how to cook and without knowing, also taught me to embrace everything about myself. I adore you. Know that your success in life is already written - just prepare yourself for your deserved blessings. **now we get to the part where I'm about to forget people because my judgment is clouded by water** To my best friend forever and ever (BFFAE) one Ms. Iukes Nicole - I. LOVE. YOU. For the past 11 years, no one has been more consistent, made me laugh more, made me cry more (LOL), or made me juke more. When I'm not physically near, rely on that glorious light inside you. Let not your heart be hardened or cold - its far too gorgeous to be encased in stone or ice. To my IGS - Keep it IGnant and hold fast to the FACT that I am NOT the most Ignant person you know. And to my former roommates, Krisann and Tyler - you both know how much I love you, but I don't think you ever knew how much I admire you both. The love you share inspires me to not settle for anything less. I only ask that you name your first child after me. Yes, a potentially chubby White maybe Ginger-kid named Kiarri would be a first, but it'd be an AWESOME first.

And to anyone that was not named, to all that I have ever hung out with or gotten to know or performed with or wanted to perform with - please do not feel slighted. You are in my heart and in every note that I sing. I am moving on now - to re-join awesome friends like Josh and Allison and Ken and to make new ones and maybe get rid of some (*side eye at Chris*), but your place in my spirit will never falter. To those whom I've loved and to those I have wished to love - thank you for whatever time we shared and for teaching me what I needed to learn.

Ok - so, this is just WAAAAY too much, I know - but if I didn't do it, I would keep feeling like I needed to and being honest, its for the best to start dealing with the emotion in little waves as opposed to being curled up in the fetal position for an entire day later this week.